When you were young did you get asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer was different almost every time I was asked…A milkman…An astronaut…A teacher…A foreign correspondent…A mommy.
“You’ll need to decide,” I was told, but the fact is, I still haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up. And by the time I’m 90, I probably still won’t. It’s just that there are simply so many interesting things to do! When I read about fascinating occupations or avocations, I want to learn more. And I want to try everything!
Consequently, I believe it’s a crime to tell anyone to decide on only one path for the rest of his or her life. It may seem a little more graceful, slightly more dignified, a tad more predictable. But doesn’t it run the risk of also being a lot more boring?
I am reminded of a story told about Dr. William E. Barton, a former moderator of the Congregational Church in Oak Park, IL. During a party to honor Barton’s sixty-fifth birthday, an elder of the church delivered a stuffy address on “Growing Old Gracefully.” But the more he talked the more Barton bristled.
When it came time for him to respond, Barton blustered, “Grow old gracefully, rubbish, I say, rubbish! I shall never grow old, but if perchance I should, it shall not be gracefully, I tell you; it will be rebelliously!”
I like that idea…the idea of being 70 or 80 or 90 years of age and still being full of expectancy and open to new things. Our friends south of the border – that’s Mexico, not Oregon – have a great attitude. They say: “La vida es corta, pero ancha.” That is, “Life is short, but it’s wide.”
Though some people prefer to be more single-minded, I favor grabbing for all the experiences this “wide” life has to offer. I like to think that what is coming next is better than what has just past. I prefer to act on the assumption that life can keep getting better and better. No matter what my age or limitations, I hope to always look forward to the new experiences still ahead. And when I get to the end of my days, and people ask over my casket, “Who is she? What did she do?” I want the answer to be a full-length novel not a short paragraph.
For me today, that means beginning life anew, starting over in a new place, meeting new friends, and beginning a new job. What does it mean for you? What new experiences can you reach for to make your life “wide?”
I think I have a fair idea where the term “ladies in waiting” comes from. I’ve spent at least half my life waiting:
…Waiting in line to use the bathroom at a ballpark that hasn’t realized female fans exist.
…Waiting to give birth (a process that took nine months, three weeks, three days, eight hours and thirty minutes for my first-born. No one won the office pool on that gestation period!)
…Waiting for my two-year-old toddlers (or twelve-year-old teenyboppers) to out-grow their rebellious phases.
…Waiting for a quiet moment to complete the scrapbooks I started for my now grown-up daughters. The books were going to be birthday presents, then Christmas presents, then back to birthday presents…you get the idea.
I’d developed a “destination” mentality, always waiting for the end, the conclusion, the grand finale.
During the last decade or so, however, I began a new life’s passage and along the way, I learned something about living in the moment. The change came when I read an eye-opening quote by Alfred D’Souza: “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
Wow! I resolved to stop waiting until everything was “right” and started living for the moment. Were it not for that uncharacteristic bit of insight, I would have missed so much: wonderfully interesting people, grand scenery, fascinating places to live, marvelous work experiences. All would have been lost on me had I remained focused on where I was going rather than where I was.
Of course, there have been a few obstacles as I’ve continue a journey that’s taken me from the Midwest to Washington’s North Olympic Peninsula – where I lived and worked for almost ten years – and then to Spokane, a little more than a year ago. I guess you could call it my “Inland Northwest Passage.”
This life-passage has required time to find the right place, to discover where I belong. I’ve packed my belongings more than once, begun and ended a business and said good-bye to family, friends and colleagues along the way. But as D’Souza said, those obstacles are my life, and here I am, living in the moment in the Inland Northwest! Let’s get acquainted.
In today’s economy, a family birthday or other gift-giving occasion, can get pretty stressful as we try to find the “perfect gift.” Many people resort to gifts of money, but not only can that seem impersonal, it can also be difficult when budgets are tight.
I recently had a family member celebrating a 40th birthday, and – times and budgets being what they are – I decided to pull together tons of his photos from babyhood to present day into a video. It cost me nothing but time, but the “birthday guy” was so touched, it made me wonder why we so often throw money at an occasion instead of putting time and thought and a bit of ourselves into gift-giving.
Here are few suggestions you might use for that “perfect” present – the gift of yourself.
- Record precious family photographs into video. Make multiple copies for family members. Collect the best and check out an app like Amimoto to pull it together. You can even add music, it’s easy and fun, and depending on length, it can be free.
- Tell your story. Start a journal of stories from your life. There are books available to help you get started, or join an “I Remember” group to help jog your memory.
- Give “service coupons.” Offer yourself as a babysitter, a seamstress, a launderer, a gardener, a handyman or a cook — anything you do well can be a gift if you do it for another.
- Better yet, teach it as a gift. Perhaps you can teach baking, golfing, driving, card games, embroidering or photography. (I wish my mother had taught me how to knit and that my dad would have given me a basic car mechanics course – both skills I could have used all my life.)
- Make a “date” book. My brother gave one of his nieces 10 coupons for “Visits from Uncle Chris.” She could call him any time she was lonesome and cash in a coupon — what a cool idea.
- Give a gift within a gift. Help younger grandchildren or great-grandchildren make their parents Christmas or birthday presents.
- Give goodies and the directions to make them. My mother made the best lemon meringue pie ever, but she never recorded the recipe and it’s lost to time. Think of a family favorite you know how to make, bake it, wrap it, and include the recipe for future generations to enjoy.
The perfect gift – the gift of self – is priceless in any economy.
Not long ago I spoke with a woman who related several sweet stories about children who lived near her former home and the wonderful things children say…”out of the mouths of babes” as they say.
I have my own favorite children (and now, grand children) stories.
One happened on a Holy Saturday, about 40 years ago. My then two-year old daughter had heard the Easter story of how Jesus rose from the dead and how He would someday return.
Since the Lenten Season is so busy, our parish priest had a visiting brother (i.e. a monk) helping him that evening for what is celebrated in the Catholic faith as “Easter Vigil.” As services began, the young monk came out into the sanctuary wearing his usual brown robe and leather sandals. He had shoulder-length brown hair and a short beard.
“There He is!” my daughter whisper-shouted.
“There’s who?” I whispered back, trying to shush her.
“There’s Jesus!” she exclaimed loudly, pointing to the monk at the altar, as those within earshot chuckled at her innocent belief.
After the service we explained to her that the man was a priest, not Jesus, but in thinking back over that scene so many Easters ago, I can’t help but think how wonderful it would be to have that kind of child-like faith − to look forward to Jesus’ return with such belief and expectancy that if He walked into the room, we’d be ready to believe the way my daughter did!
Photo by caitlin d.w.'s buddy icon, caitlin d. w.'s photostream on Flickr
“Unless you turn and become like children,” the Bible says Jesus once remarked, “you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
I believe it.
A candlelight vigil is held in Jakarta Indonesia (Getty Photo from CNN)
According to CNN, lights have been turned off across the world Saturday, March 28, 2009, as millions of homes and businesses have gone dark for one hour in a symbolic gesture highlighting concerns over climate change.
Organizers expected more than 2,800 cities and towns worldwide to dim their lights at 8:30 p.m. local time for the third annual Earth Hour — a day-long energy-saving marathon spanning 83 countries and 24 time zones.
Major cities in Asia, the Middle East and Europe had already gone dark for the event by Saturday afternoon on the East Coast. Actor Edward Norton and organizer Carter Roberts describe the reasoning behind the event in a CNN video @ http://tinyurl.com/d42xrx
“If riding in an airplane is flying, then riding in a boat is swimming. If you want to experience the element, then get out of the vehicle.”
From 1995 until 1997, I raised money for, trained for, trained others for, helped promote and participated in a life-altering experience — the Twin Cities>Chicago AIDS Rides created by Pallotta and Associates (AKA Pallotta TeamWorks.)
1,700+ Riders, including the "Chicken Lady," Ken Thomasen.
What I liked most about the AIDS Rides fund-raisers, which first began in California in 1994, was that the dollars raised went to local agencies to care directly for those infected with the disease.
The Rides creator, Dan Pallotta, had the audacity to believe he could make a difference and he did so. Through his own for-profit firm he ran a smart, proficient organization that was successful in raising millions on behalf of nonprofit clients.
Pallotta’s organization went on to produce three-day walk events to benefit breast cancer victims. But despite the huge dollars generated for these beneficiaries, Pallotta’s organization began to get flak for the cost the events incurred. Nevermind that the agencies and beneficiaries were overwhelmed with gratitude and the Ride and Walk
The emotional finish to the 1996 TwinCities2Chicago AIDS Ride as cyclists celebrate a six-day trek.
participants took away memories to last a lifetime, the press didn’t like that the Pallotta folks employed savvy, professional marketing and branding techniques, and paid their staff decent salaries for a job well done.
When negative media coverage became non-stop, and some sponsors and organizations disassociated themselves from Pallotta TeamWorks, the firm closed in 2001. My daughter was working for the organization by that time, as was my niece, and I learned first hand of the tears cried by staff members, not for themselves so much as for the people that would no longer benefit from the monies raised and the nationwide “community” of riders/walkers, crew, sponsors, donors, friends and loved ones from whom the audacious dream was taken.
Fast-forward to today. Dan Pallotta has recently written a book about the experience, which was reviewed by Renee Irvin in the Stanford Social Innovative Review. Irvin wrote regarding Pallotta’s book:
Dan Pallotta has written Uncharitable as a response to every media report about a charity spending $400,000 to raise $1 million, every donor who wants at least 90 percent of her donation to go toward the cause, and every nonprofit executive director who eschews marketing for fear that donors will consider it extravagant. “Enough already!” the book explodes. And it does so with such good reason and blunt candor that it deserves to become the nonprofit sector’s new manifesto….[The study] is fascinating, and it will surely invite armchair quarterbacks to reckon how they might have handled both the media and the nonprofit organizations. The study also tempts us to write off the book as motivated by Pallotta’s bitter experience of being pilloried by the moralistic media for having managed his business like a business.
But that would be hasty. Uncharitable gives us much more than a tale of sour grapes. Pallotta has written thoughtfully and forcefully on why and how we limit the effectiveness of the nonprofit sector, and he asks us point-blank to change our thinking. For the sake of the nonprofit sector, I hope he succeeds.
I also hope he succeeds. The book, available on Amazon, is also reviewed recently by The Economist. For those who think fund-raising should be all about numbers, here’s a few numbers I noted on the Inaugural TwinCities>Chicago AIDS Ride alone:
5 Million Dollars Raised
$2,300 (or more) Raised Per Rider
1,425 Riders
925 Tents
450+ Miles
350 Volunteer Crew
104 Equipment Trucks
90+ Degree Heat
90%+ Humidity
75 Average Miles Ridden Per Day
13 Beneficiaries
6 Days on the Road
1 Chicken Lady (you had to be there)
Lives Changed – COUNTLESS
For those interested, Dan Pallotta has a facebook blog and there are numerous facebook groups who participated in the Rides … the memories and the magic still reverberate.
Here are two very touching award-winning
photos honored this year.
First Place, Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News:
Marines drape the coffin of a fallen soldier.
When 2nd Lt. James Cathey’s body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac.
Second Place Todd Heisler, The Rocky Mountain News:
A young widow sleeps beside her husband's casket as Marine Guard stays by her side.
The night before the burial of her husband’s body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of ”Cat”, and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. “I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it,” she said. “I think that’s what he would have wanted.”
Blue Fridays. Hopefully, very soon, you will see a great many people wearing blue every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the “silent majority”. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record-breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday—and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home. By action, word of mouth, press, TV—let’s every Friday become a sea of blue much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. Will you also consider sharing this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends and family? It won’t be long before the USA is covered in BLUE and it will let our troops know the once “silent” majority is on their side. The first thing a soldier says when asked, “What can we do to make things better for you?” is, “We need your support and your prayers.” Let’s get the word out and lead by example, and wear something blue every Friday.
Please note: I would give the original writer of this piece credit, but it was sent to me anonymously. I edited for brevity.
Perhaps you have someone who might appreciate it if you share it with them.
In the Crypts of Westminster Abbey, there is an Anglican Bishop’s tomb on which its inhabitant had written his own epitaph.
It states that when he was a young man, he dreamed of changing the world. As he grew older, however, he shortened his sights and tried to change only his country. This, too, proved impractical. In his twilight years, the Bishop settled for trying to change only those close to him. This also failed.
Only on his deathbed, did he realize that if he had changed himself first, then his example and inspiration might have contributed toward a better family, country or world.
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “If only my wife would stop…” or “I wish my son would change the way he…” or “when will my boss …”?
I have. After all, it’s much easier to expect changes in others than to actually change ourselves. As one tongue-in-cheek prayer puts it, “Oh, Lord, how wise are your commandments. I can think of someone each one of them refers to.”
While it’s true that it’s an imperfect world we live in, full of imperfect people, I’m the only person I can “perfect.” And I’ve got plenty of work to do, so you’re on your own!
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